Some of your people must hate you

I have managed a few hundred people over the last two decades. Some love me and would work with me anytime, anyplace. Some are fine with me. And some hate my guts and, genuinely, think I am the worst of the worst.

In the beginning, that last group was devastating. I was working hard to be a good manager, I cared about my teams and I was pretty sure that, with enough effort and thought, everyone would come around. They did not.

Then, as the teams I ran got larger and more complex, the obvious finally dawned: it is not only acceptable for some of your people to hate you, it is necessary.

Because, the awkward truth of the matter is that if everyone finds you great, you are not actually managing. You are not taking the hard calls, or you do not have a solid set of principles, or you are not following them consistently. The universally loved manager is, almost by definition, the inconsequential manager.

Real decisions cost something to someone. Promoting John means not promoting Anne. Killing a project means disappointing the people who built it. Holding the line on quality means saying "no" to the colleague who wanted a shortcut. Keeping equity and meritocracy means sometimes letting people go.

Every one of these decisions earns you people who will resent you, sometimes for years. And that is fine because that is the job.

So stop optimising for being liked. Do what you think is right, aligned with your values, consistently. The people who matter, the ones you actually want with you, will follow. The rest will not, and this is fine.

Being a manager is, unfortunately, not a congeniality award. If you really want to make everyone happy all the time, you should probably be selling ice cream.